Since no one is talking to me..

...I'll talk to you.

Hello!

How have you been doing?

Am currently stuck in a dilemma now. I don't know if I should or should not. This is one of the questions that keep on popping up in my long list on undecided decisions due to my indecisiveness. And the more I ponder upon them, the more messed up I feel. The bigger I make it seem the bigger the obstacle looks.

And I am soo tired of running away. Partly because I never wanted to, instead I feel a strong desire to go for it, not to bother what others will say, and know that I will once again find the exhilaration and the liberty I once had. The one I once felt in a long long time, the first time I was there.

So, someone tell me how?

I think I have come to slowly accept reality. Yet I really don't know if you represent the general approach of a similar autonomous group, or..if you could probably have the slightest tiniest emotional interest.

Presumably my problem is being too emotional. Or, it could be I invest my personality, mix my thoughts and labour into matters which shouldn't mean much. Are we all really comparable to the actors during the Roman and Greecian peak of cultural performance, where actors are defined by the masks they wear? Are there no true faces? Why is it that I try to find so hard, one who would show me a maskless appearance, yet, time and again I am utterly disappointed? Especially when I thought the expression was one of pure and true. No, I have been defied.

Even harder, as rare as a four-leaf clover, or as rare as a three-nosed-rabbit, as I wouldn't say that I have been searching..is one of self-consciousness which need not be embodied to be recognized as persons. Maybe I am devoting the attention to you. My self-consciousness seems to me to have been sublated to a certain extent by your superior authority. I may not even want to regain it back.

Sighs. Too much Locke and Bentham for me. And Moore. This is what property does to you..