Can you understand?

How silly of me. I constantly look forward to checking my mails every now and then, anticipating positive replies.

After a pleasant surprise, perhaps its all gloom and doom from here. Rejections are disheartening. Especially when you disagree with the reasons behind them. Especially when you know how hard you've tried to get it. Especially when you are not even considered to take that further step. Not even that extra step.

And how I wonder what went wrong. I don't know, perhaps my capabilities have found its limits.
And how I don't wish to hear anymore. It feels as if the pegs are taken out one by one, the sensation of the pinch slowly disseminating deep into the skin.

The thing is, its not really that bad. And its not the end of the world. But it does keep me wondering, and somewhere inside me, I will always want to know why I am not good enough.