Slips

It's been almost a month I've lived without blogging.

I've had my many many urges to spam my blog, spam it soooo insanely dense that one would take forever to get through the jungle of mess. But I knew it wouldn't help....I know too well.

No one said it was going to be easy. I anticipated this a long time ago. I just wasn't sure, I thought it would be okay, but I've got to accept that some days are alright and some are not. I've never managed to do it, cause I've never had the courage to do so. I think it's going to be alright in the end, but I sympathize. I so deeply sympathize. I don't have a choice, cause I have no control over it.

I wish that one day that I could perhaps find the courage to disinhibit my self-consciousness. I think I would be pretty amusing, and let the restrains go. I will then know how much I care. It sometimes happen that I can be such a character. With awful slips of the tongue, things roll off so naturally that I seem to disregard surroundings, letting my guard down. Not that I've seen much of the repercussions (I hope not) but I will never know. And I know that if I'm not careful enough in future, I'm going to burst my own bubble. I don't ever, ever think that I've done any more embarassing than actually doing that. I think, that is, by far, the worst, ever, most embarassing moment anyone can ever have. But who knew that since I've said it once, that at that point, at that very very premature point, I've said something that I've meant.

Being in the passing, I don't think anyone remembers. Which is good. After kicking myself in the shin, I promise myself never again. Unless I want to run into the forest and stay there forever. And ever.

But I just wanted to say, no matter what, I understand. Whether its responsibilities, expectations, knowledge, work, feelings, emotions, logistics, methodology, practicability....whatever it is, I understand.