Summer work

Now, I know for my own good that I should really keep a memoir of my internship. Though I really do appreciate it, I am really dreading this post because I don't want to indulge in verbal diarrhea :(

As some of you may know, I've been really fortunate myself to land a summer vacation scheme at a prestigious law firm in the City. Rather than detailing my day-to-day life, it shall suffice at this point (because I am dozing off...and am already typing too much at the office) just to give a brief overview of what's been going on.

There are 7 of us in my intake - mostly British except for one mix and one Asian. Two Oxbridges, two LSE-ians, one Manchester, one KCL, one UCL. 2 guys and 5 girls. Each of us were allocated a buddy, who is a trainee, and he/she is our first port-of-call if anything goes wrong (or right), or just someone to point us in the right direction. T is my buddy; someone whom I've already met during my work placement interview. This week I'm in Corporate & Securities, while next week I'll be siting in Financial Services. I'm seated next to my supervisor H who is really really nice - she's so patient with me as she explains things clearly, starting with the basics :)

With my different experience insofar being at an international law firm in London, I can only compare to my past internships to see the various side of things. In terms of workload, I must say (insofar!) it is rather a walk in the park compared to my internship last year. In my previous summer, I was working overtime and the stress level was literally all the way up to my neck. Days never felt longer and work never felt harder and incomprehensible. I was literally fighting day-to-day to survive last year - I was thrown into the deep end with the knowledge of zilch. Perhaps it is the current economic situation now; not much transactions are made not deals being realised. Corporate activity has quieten down; less companies are keen to go public at the moment...though there are some bravers trying their luck on AIM. Either way, this means less work for lawyers, hence even lesser work for student interns :)

I can't say that this (insofar!) has been entirely and sincerely enjoyable for myself. Alas, part two of my internship will have to wait :) As much as I value this experience, I still cannot wait to return to my life before I started work. It just made me realised more and more how much I appreciate and love my student life.

Outdone

Alas, I feel like I've got my freedom back again. At the very least, I am proud to say that I was determined, persistent, and willful in not resorting back to blogging until exams were over. I wasn't sure when I was to return to the virtual realm, until I was inspired by prisky and nincompoop when reading their blogs. Prisky, for telling me that it's okay to blog emotions, and nincompoop for confidence in whatever she does :) If something happens to me one day, and I never return here, atleast there are some trails left in this world where my memories lie.

If any of you have been wondering...my exams have already finished. Second year is already over. My exams ended with a bang where I sat for my lousiest paper ever. I think it happened again - my tendency not to study whatever I thought was important to study. Yeah, it was just one horrible horrible day.

Moving on, Phase One of my summer has ended already! Right after my exams, Sheue, Lav, Joanne and I went to Greece for our girly getaway ;) It was a great trip and we had tons of fun. Few days after that I went to Paris with my mum, and I fell in love with the place :) I would now say that America (in general) and Paris are the places which I would want to either study for a year or work next time in future. However, bear in mind that human proposes, God disposes - so we'll see what happens :)

I think it was a well deserved break to a certain extent. Just to disconnect myself for a while from current circumstances and free my mind - leave myself to rot in relaxation. And now I know why I needed that long break so much. Now that it's just been few days since I'm left alone, I'm starting to feel the tinge of sadness and pang of regret. I feel it so very much. Thoughts just keep flooding back - especially whenever I go to the tube, or walk along those roads, I remember. When it hits me, I stop walking as if I've walked into an invisible barrier. And I just continue remembering, I cannot forget. Memories prance in front of my face and I am I constantly reminded. It's so painful sometimes that I don't want to go to sleep. The noisy silence makes my head whirl and my heart ache. I exceeded my expectations by surprising myself that I never knew I would react this way. Fresh tears just keep rolling down till today and I don't even know why. I'm shocked at myself, and I know I've outdone my personal best. Someone please tell me that this is a nightmare that can be reversed. I'm ever so willing to accept that I've been pranked with this cruel joke just as long as I could feel the closeness once again.

A lot of thinking was done during my holidays. Many things I realised. I learnt that I don't have the stakes to play - I've always thought that I was moderate, but examining further, I am but a mere speck of dust. Who was I to expect anything. I am not all that one can hope for nor one can dream for. I understand now what the stakes are - everything that I'm not. It will take me years, if not forever, to reach the kind of level you will expect. This is me for you - naive, moronic, emotional, weak.

I am left with a puzzle that I can't figure out nor solve.