What have I been up to these past few days? Yesterday, I was in KL (city centre) in the morning and at night...and I must say, KL (both in the morning AND night) is not my favourite place to be! I think I've just experienced how freeeaaakkky KL could be.
Yes, so I was at Pudu, see? And having missed a U-turn on Jln Tun Perak, I had to go on straight....and straight...and straight...until I got a little bit worried that I didn't know where I was. So I decided to turn left into Tung Shin Hospital. And in efforts to find a way back out onto the main road...I went through the backroads of the hospital! Now, the hospital is (as far as I know) one of the oldest, if not the oldest hospital in KL. And as I've heard, it has a notorious reputation for spirits. Um, obviously I just freaked out lar. As I went in and out of the backlanes...thoughts just spiralled in my mind. After hearing so many terrifying and grosteque happenings in KL, anything could happen anywhere anytime. Especially when alone in an unknown area. I could so imagine the headlines the next day: Girl Found Dead, Chopped Body Parts Found in Klang River, to the horror of my parents :(
Then I got smarter: I started to look at landmarks. Thank goodness there are many skyscrapers to guide me! I looked up to the KL Tower and Maybank to get my bearings. Since Maybank was nearer, I started driving towards the building...by going through this dodgy hill where there were lots of motorcyclists. Atfirst I got worried, but then I saw the KL Hop on Hop off bus right infront of me and I thought...well if the tourist bus brings tourists through that road, it should be safe enough, and furthermore the bus would be stopped at Malaysia's landmarks. So I tailled the bus until I got out to the main road to happiness!
So, for those amateur drivers in KL city centre, RULE NUMBER ONE is to be alert - surroundings, direction, traffic. NEVER look lost or dumbfounded even though you genuinely are - act cool :) And look at skyscrapers if you get lost...KL Tower and the Twin Towers should be relatively easy to find. Also, if you get lost, I think its no harm to follow the tourist bus :)
And with my little adventure gone, I am here to bid farewell to the blog and you anonymous readers for the time being!:)
Yup, I am going to Beijing tomorrow for 5 weeks to start Summer Phase 3, and I am saying ta-ta for the moment as China has blocked blogspot :( Hence, expect a period of hiatus!
Summer Phase 2 came and gone; and I smack myself for not being industrious enough to keep a diary of daily happenings. And since I won't be able blog about Beijing here, I guess I'm going to either find something else ie twitter (I still don't see the point of that?!), myspace, wordpress...or maybe just keep a real diary. Which I used to when I was younger but then it felt awkward talking to myself. But that's quite odd again cause when I was much younger I did like to talk to myself. Anyway, since I'm not going to be able to access my blog, it's only fair if you can't as well :) Also gives me some time to work on the blogskin...which can improve.
Take care people, have a great summer, and hopefully my journey abroad will be a new fruitful experience for me :)
Thursday, July 16, 2009
Tuesday, July 14, 2009
Mere dream?
I went to look up what surreal meant...and it was described as having the disorientating, hallucinatory quality of a dream. I could not have expressed this better.
A lot of things feel weird and I'm still on my quest of finding out why. Its paradoxical to say that my oldest and most trusted corner does not feel like my own anymore. Sometimes I feel like I'm constantly reverting between two worlds; unsure if I'd really like the fusion to occur.
But then came the day which took me by surprise and I realise I can no longer hide...nor disguise what I used to be, what I was, and contrast with what I am today. You came in and looked curiously at the strange surroundings, perhaps making a judgment of who I am. And somehow I may not fit into the puzzle.
Little did I know that along the way, that you are unknowingly being integrated into what I hardly show to the rest. Walking along the steps that my small feet use to run over, touching the things which I used to be fond of dearly. Its not just the material objects, its also the communication which has lived for long. The noisy silence that occasionally runs through the environment...probably something you can't comprehend; neither could I. As you quietly pick upon the simplest yet rawest memories of my life, I wince. I wince because it feels so private and untouched; not a soul must know anything. It felt uncomfortable because its a part where I don't hope for people to know. Surprisingly...it felt good to share, and I sincerely understand what it means to let someone into your life. In your past, present and future. And that, within my insecurities, I am happy to share.
I wonder to myself every chance I get...was this real? I still feel dazzled and am not sure what kind of impression it had left on you. If anything should happen to me, at the very least, I would be happy to know that I have exposed what I was and what I am to who I deem important. If this is surreal, then I would be happy to continue hallucinating in this dream.
A lot of things feel weird and I'm still on my quest of finding out why. Its paradoxical to say that my oldest and most trusted corner does not feel like my own anymore. Sometimes I feel like I'm constantly reverting between two worlds; unsure if I'd really like the fusion to occur.
But then came the day which took me by surprise and I realise I can no longer hide...nor disguise what I used to be, what I was, and contrast with what I am today. You came in and looked curiously at the strange surroundings, perhaps making a judgment of who I am. And somehow I may not fit into the puzzle.
Little did I know that along the way, that you are unknowingly being integrated into what I hardly show to the rest. Walking along the steps that my small feet use to run over, touching the things which I used to be fond of dearly. Its not just the material objects, its also the communication which has lived for long. The noisy silence that occasionally runs through the environment...probably something you can't comprehend; neither could I. As you quietly pick upon the simplest yet rawest memories of my life, I wince. I wince because it feels so private and untouched; not a soul must know anything. It felt uncomfortable because its a part where I don't hope for people to know. Surprisingly...it felt good to share, and I sincerely understand what it means to let someone into your life. In your past, present and future. And that, within my insecurities, I am happy to share.
I wonder to myself every chance I get...was this real? I still feel dazzled and am not sure what kind of impression it had left on you. If anything should happen to me, at the very least, I would be happy to know that I have exposed what I was and what I am to who I deem important. If this is surreal, then I would be happy to continue hallucinating in this dream.
Wednesday, July 08, 2009
25 random things
Sometime during this year (maybe before Easter?) there was this hype about telling the world 25 random things about yourself. I was tagged a few times in people's blogs and in facebook...and since I'm free during this holidays, I might as well scramble a few things about myself!:) So here goes, I don't even know if I can come up with that many things to say!
1. I've been a loyal fan of Archie comics ever since primary school. I still am. The last time I've read an Archie comic was 8.7.09 (which is today). The last time I've read an Archie comic before today was yesterday.
2. I can blow bubbles out of my mouth. Without any external assistance. Hmm, go figure this one out.
3. I love pomeranians...(if you're my friend you should be able to tell at some point...)
4. There's a misconception that I am a loyal fan of Jay Chou because of his good looks. NO! It is his music which is enticing!
5. I've had lots of classes for different skills (ie art, music, tennis..etc) but I've never really become good at anything in particular. I'm still no jack of all trades and definitely master of none.
6. You know Full House? Like that teenager teen show/books? I absolutely loved the books and had the whole collection of it at home...and read it over and over again until Form 3. (For those of you who don't know what Full House is, its sort of the equivalent to Sweet Valley Twins)
7. I've read a few people's "Random 25" and most of them state that they listen to a song repeatedly. I am no exception. I've got a few songs which I have listened for a long period of time. For example, ever since Secret came out, I've been listening to 不能说的秘密 almost everyday until today. Now, Secret came out in August 2007...
8. My UK handphone ringtone was Jay Chou's 我不配 (wo bu pei). For a WHOLE year. It played so many times for so long that Rin (my flatmate) knew how to sing it by heart!:)
9. I've got a distinctive birthmark on my cheek. Yet many people think it's either (a) a scar; or (b) an accident...and many people ask me Oh Ist what happened to you and stop when they see my puzzled look.
10. I have no idea why my mole near my left eye is intruiging to my college friends =.=
11. I used to be a big Spice Girls fan (of similar magnitude to Jay Chou). I collected almost everything...posters, newspaper clippings, tapes, CDs, stickers....and my favourite was Baby Spice. I was so heartbroken when they split.
12. I'm a little weird in some ways. I'm sometimes slightly noisy and quite easy to talk to...yet sometimes I'm a person of no words. Not very helpful, is it?
13. I'm perhaps better at expressing myself with writing rather than speaking. I enjoy taking my time to write cause I do try to express myself as accurately and honestly as possible. Even though my English is not that great/superb.
14. If you already can't tell, I am engrossed in volleyball. Not that I'm good in it, but ever since I started out playing in Form 1, I guess there's this indescribable link which connects me to the game. Yes, I am that philosophically and emotionally attached to that game.
15. I love the game so much so that I seriously did consider moving up the ladder and maybe pursuing my dreams in volleyball. I nearly went for some state training back in Form 3 just to push my limits higher. But not everything works out the way that you plan it to, and I'm happy with where I am now :)
16. There are a few things which I like to collect. I like to collect special candles, ie not normal candles where you can get on the market. Example I've got a coconut candle, red bean soup candle, star jelly candle, seashell candle...
17. And I love to collect keychains from places I visit! And these must be special keychains too! I've got some random but cute keychains like a basketball, a huge cap, a big die, a MTV one, a masquerade mask, a Hollywood tape...
18. I have started collecting shot glasses!:) Interesting stuff...
19. I really want to start collecting chess sets, cause some look so interesting and majestic! But I guess that's a collection that will have to wait in future cause chess sets are usually so expensive :(
20. I'm quite a safe person, hence I usually go back to things I like. Means that I tend to order the same kind of food that I like, wear the same things, shop for the same groceries, listen to the same songs, write the same kind of essays...
21. I am a law student but I still consider myself mathematical/scientific at heart. And sometimes I question if I should have pursued something else and play my cards to my strengths instead.
22. I have opinions but I am almost never argumentative - its just not my nature. Hence I do my best to avoid conflicts/scandals/misunderstandings etc.
23. Ever since high school, I've been only listening to a throng of Mandarin songs. Hence, there are different Chinese songs which links me to different parts of my life. I used to listen to Diamond Dust in Form 1 cause I was hooked into Iceworld (some jap show). 星晴 reminds me of Form 2 cause that was the first Jay Chou song I heard. And I can still remember 不能說的秘密:) I was watching Secret for the first time with kshen, and towards the end of the movie when the first chord was stuck beginning with "你说把爱渐渐 放下会走更远 ..." we both were overwhelmed. It was just the perfect way to end the movie and then let it stick in your memory. Though I've no part of my life that can relate to this song, it just has a nostalgic feeling to it - well done Jay Chou :) 转机 is more like my kind of music...slow yet not entirely slow like others - and it gives a somewhat melancholic & bittersweet feeling. 愛轉角 is more of a sweet song with hopes. 心跳 kind of pulls the heartstrings cause I think it describes accurately that heart-beat-feeling when a significant someone is around. The latest is probably 眼泪敌人 by Alan Kuo which reminds me of my just-a-while-ago-internship. Likely its cause I was watching some Taiwanese show which had this song!:) It just kind of reminds me about walking along River Thames when I walk home from work.
24. Yes I'm at 24! Ugh, what else? Erm okay, so when I was young, I like to talk to myself.
25. I think I've always wanted to become a doctor. That changed when it came to UCAS when reality hit me that I can't commit to the long-life education and super long inflexible hours.
It took me sooo long to come up with 25 things. Enjoy!
1. I've been a loyal fan of Archie comics ever since primary school. I still am. The last time I've read an Archie comic was 8.7.09 (which is today). The last time I've read an Archie comic before today was yesterday.
2. I can blow bubbles out of my mouth. Without any external assistance. Hmm, go figure this one out.
3. I love pomeranians...(if you're my friend you should be able to tell at some point...)
4. There's a misconception that I am a loyal fan of Jay Chou because of his good looks. NO! It is his music which is enticing!
5. I've had lots of classes for different skills (ie art, music, tennis..etc) but I've never really become good at anything in particular. I'm still no jack of all trades and definitely master of none.
6. You know Full House? Like that teenager teen show/books? I absolutely loved the books and had the whole collection of it at home...and read it over and over again until Form 3. (For those of you who don't know what Full House is, its sort of the equivalent to Sweet Valley Twins)
7. I've read a few people's "Random 25" and most of them state that they listen to a song repeatedly. I am no exception. I've got a few songs which I have listened for a long period of time. For example, ever since Secret came out, I've been listening to 不能说的秘密 almost everyday until today. Now, Secret came out in August 2007...
8. My UK handphone ringtone was Jay Chou's 我不配 (wo bu pei). For a WHOLE year. It played so many times for so long that Rin (my flatmate) knew how to sing it by heart!:)
9. I've got a distinctive birthmark on my cheek. Yet many people think it's either (a) a scar; or (b) an accident...and many people ask me Oh Ist what happened to you and stop when they see my puzzled look.
10. I have no idea why my mole near my left eye is intruiging to my college friends =.=
11. I used to be a big Spice Girls fan (of similar magnitude to Jay Chou). I collected almost everything...posters, newspaper clippings, tapes, CDs, stickers....and my favourite was Baby Spice. I was so heartbroken when they split.
12. I'm a little weird in some ways. I'm sometimes slightly noisy and quite easy to talk to...yet sometimes I'm a person of no words. Not very helpful, is it?
13. I'm perhaps better at expressing myself with writing rather than speaking. I enjoy taking my time to write cause I do try to express myself as accurately and honestly as possible. Even though my English is not that great/superb.
14. If you already can't tell, I am engrossed in volleyball. Not that I'm good in it, but ever since I started out playing in Form 1, I guess there's this indescribable link which connects me to the game. Yes, I am that philosophically and emotionally attached to that game.
15. I love the game so much so that I seriously did consider moving up the ladder and maybe pursuing my dreams in volleyball. I nearly went for some state training back in Form 3 just to push my limits higher. But not everything works out the way that you plan it to, and I'm happy with where I am now :)
16. There are a few things which I like to collect. I like to collect special candles, ie not normal candles where you can get on the market. Example I've got a coconut candle, red bean soup candle, star jelly candle, seashell candle...
17. And I love to collect keychains from places I visit! And these must be special keychains too! I've got some random but cute keychains like a basketball, a huge cap, a big die, a MTV one, a masquerade mask, a Hollywood tape...
18. I have started collecting shot glasses!:) Interesting stuff...
19. I really want to start collecting chess sets, cause some look so interesting and majestic! But I guess that's a collection that will have to wait in future cause chess sets are usually so expensive :(
20. I'm quite a safe person, hence I usually go back to things I like. Means that I tend to order the same kind of food that I like, wear the same things, shop for the same groceries, listen to the same songs, write the same kind of essays...
21. I am a law student but I still consider myself mathematical/scientific at heart. And sometimes I question if I should have pursued something else and play my cards to my strengths instead.
22. I have opinions but I am almost never argumentative - its just not my nature. Hence I do my best to avoid conflicts/scandals/misunderstandings etc.
23. Ever since high school, I've been only listening to a throng of Mandarin songs. Hence, there are different Chinese songs which links me to different parts of my life. I used to listen to Diamond Dust in Form 1 cause I was hooked into Iceworld (some jap show). 星晴 reminds me of Form 2 cause that was the first Jay Chou song I heard. And I can still remember 不能說的秘密:) I was watching Secret for the first time with kshen, and towards the end of the movie when the first chord was stuck beginning with "你说把爱渐渐 放下会走更远 ..." we both were overwhelmed. It was just the perfect way to end the movie and then let it stick in your memory. Though I've no part of my life that can relate to this song, it just has a nostalgic feeling to it - well done Jay Chou :) 转机 is more like my kind of music...slow yet not entirely slow like others - and it gives a somewhat melancholic & bittersweet feeling. 愛轉角 is more of a sweet song with hopes. 心跳 kind of pulls the heartstrings cause I think it describes accurately that heart-beat-feeling when a significant someone is around. The latest is probably 眼泪敌人 by Alan Kuo which reminds me of my just-a-while-ago-internship. Likely its cause I was watching some Taiwanese show which had this song!:) It just kind of reminds me about walking along River Thames when I walk home from work.
24. Yes I'm at 24! Ugh, what else? Erm okay, so when I was young, I like to talk to myself.
25. I think I've always wanted to become a doctor. That changed when it came to UCAS when reality hit me that I can't commit to the long-life education and super long inflexible hours.
It took me sooo long to come up with 25 things. Enjoy!
Monday, July 06, 2009
Can't be bothered to think of an appropriate title
I can't exactly describe how I feel at the moment. Few hours ago, I told a friend that this feels so surreal and that time has gone by so fast - and second year has ended.
Now, I'm beginning to feel that it is, in fact, surreal...but for different reasons. I don't know where to start, whether to laugh or cry. It is slimpy hysterical, that I was completely wrong - I was misled, everything was misrepresented, to me. For what had seemed so affirmative and confident had really got me gawping at reality. I just blatantly don't know what went wrong. Or why I had seem so sure of what is to be. Overconfidence kills, you know? I learnt it the hard way.
Contrastingly...while I should applaud my efforts, I think it's rather unbelievable of what I had attained. Yet again, I was just so sure that the paper was notoriously rubbish. To be strict, I have to be sincerely pleased if I should have passed it. Then, with a struck of luck (or irony?)...you can probably guess that it wasnt the case in the present :) Great, but, I don't know how everything is justified. Overconfidence blesses here.
How do I gauge now? All I know is...this has been an up and down year for me. Many people would disagree I suppose, but I just think that it just works differently for all of us. This year has taught me to be not so sure anymore, and not to be too confident. It is entirely up to you to decide if this is to be welcomed or not. I'm starting to question a lot of things now...and I think I don't know where my path will lead me or if its too late to do anything drastic. I think I'm just tired, you know? Of what people expect me to be...sometimes its too much to live up to it.
Now, I'm beginning to feel that it is, in fact, surreal...but for different reasons. I don't know where to start, whether to laugh or cry. It is slimpy hysterical, that I was completely wrong - I was misled, everything was misrepresented, to me. For what had seemed so affirmative and confident had really got me gawping at reality. I just blatantly don't know what went wrong. Or why I had seem so sure of what is to be. Overconfidence kills, you know? I learnt it the hard way.
Contrastingly...while I should applaud my efforts, I think it's rather unbelievable of what I had attained. Yet again, I was just so sure that the paper was notoriously rubbish. To be strict, I have to be sincerely pleased if I should have passed it. Then, with a struck of luck (or irony?)...you can probably guess that it wasnt the case in the present :) Great, but, I don't know how everything is justified. Overconfidence blesses here.
How do I gauge now? All I know is...this has been an up and down year for me. Many people would disagree I suppose, but I just think that it just works differently for all of us. This year has taught me to be not so sure anymore, and not to be too confident. It is entirely up to you to decide if this is to be welcomed or not. I'm starting to question a lot of things now...and I think I don't know where my path will lead me or if its too late to do anything drastic. I think I'm just tired, you know? Of what people expect me to be...sometimes its too much to live up to it.
Friday, July 03, 2009
Severance
I feel like I can hardly hold myself for the moment as I sit here at my laptop waiting to pour out my usual philosophical rant. Either (a) my body doesn't seem to approve of me drinking that liquor-which-I-can't-pronounce (something like Roia??); or (b) I really am falling sick. No, I just had a few sips of wine, and no, (hopefully not!) I don't have swine flu. Then again, my symptoms don't look encouraging.
The title of the post sprung into my mind instantly as I was thinking about this today. It feels as though I'm writing about severance of co-ownership in the context of land ownership :( Which reminds me that results are out on Monday, which tells me that I've only got a good few days left to enjoy my real summer. The subject of results ends here.
And where shall I begin? What brings me here to my little corner of solitude? I think I just don't want to take it anymore, and I don't want the stress. Time and again I have tried, I think I really have, or maybe I had just given up at the beginning. You can't engineer your feelings; like is like and dislike is dislike...neither can you bluff yourself. I'm clear that I'm not, and I tip my hat off to my ownself for acknowledging what I feel. Yet, a part of me does not want to put up the face that I have to put to others. I strongly do not want to pretend anymore...it's too tiring - too tiring to illustrate something different to the world, and betraying your own instinct. Which is why I chose the title severance. I can't wait to be myself, do the things I like and want to do. I want to be happy. I really can't wait.
There is another issue which I have to confront soon. And I have no idea how to face it. Sometimes I think it's going to be okay..and on some days, it really is. Some days, it feels like it doesn't matter and everything, whatever has happened, seem so far away that it is difficult to find a connection with it again. But even till today...it doesn't seem as easy. It's so frustrating sometimes, you know, like you don't know why these things keep happening? I know there are some things that I'm fine with; but I think deep down ultimately I still cling to it. And I blame no one, for it is just my mere foolishness to cherish it until one day I am really forced to let go. At the time of writing, I admit, if tomorrow was my last day I exist, I never want to let go. There is that little hope in me that you won't too.
The title of the post sprung into my mind instantly as I was thinking about this today. It feels as though I'm writing about severance of co-ownership in the context of land ownership :( Which reminds me that results are out on Monday, which tells me that I've only got a good few days left to enjoy my real summer. The subject of results ends here.
And where shall I begin? What brings me here to my little corner of solitude? I think I just don't want to take it anymore, and I don't want the stress. Time and again I have tried, I think I really have, or maybe I had just given up at the beginning. You can't engineer your feelings; like is like and dislike is dislike...neither can you bluff yourself. I'm clear that I'm not, and I tip my hat off to my ownself for acknowledging what I feel. Yet, a part of me does not want to put up the face that I have to put to others. I strongly do not want to pretend anymore...it's too tiring - too tiring to illustrate something different to the world, and betraying your own instinct. Which is why I chose the title severance. I can't wait to be myself, do the things I like and want to do. I want to be happy. I really can't wait.
There is another issue which I have to confront soon. And I have no idea how to face it. Sometimes I think it's going to be okay..and on some days, it really is. Some days, it feels like it doesn't matter and everything, whatever has happened, seem so far away that it is difficult to find a connection with it again. But even till today...it doesn't seem as easy. It's so frustrating sometimes, you know, like you don't know why these things keep happening? I know there are some things that I'm fine with; but I think deep down ultimately I still cling to it. And I blame no one, for it is just my mere foolishness to cherish it until one day I am really forced to let go. At the time of writing, I admit, if tomorrow was my last day I exist, I never want to let go. There is that little hope in me that you won't too.
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